If you are experiencing emotional and physical symptoms without knowing why, perhaps it is your body’s way of expressing a loss.

Life since Covid-19, and especially lockdown life since Covid-19 has bought with it a huge number of losses.

Some of us will be largely unaffected – we may still have our job and our family for example.

Others are facing bereavement, loss of income and loss of security.

All of us are experiencing a loss of freedom to some degree.

Children are missing out on various rites-of-passage such as exams and school-life in general. Not to mention their social life.

While many of us will adapt relatively easily to this new way of living, not all of us will.

This sort of hidden loss is known as disenfranchised grief. Being aware of it could make a big difference to how you feel.

What is disenfranchised grief?

The grief expert Ken Doka first used the term disenfranchised grief about 20 years ago.

Simply put it is a silent grief. One that is not openly acknowledged or accepted by social norms.

Miscarriage is a good example. As a society we don’t know how to acknowledge the loss of an unborn child. It can often mean that the parents of a miscarried child are not able to express their grief or work through their grief journey.

A new job and consequently the loss of an old job is also an example, but perhaps not quite so obvious.

This not-so-obvious kind of grief is particularly important to be aware of at the moment. As we approach a year of living with Covid-19, there are many more people that are likely to have experienced this type of not-so-obvious form of loss.

Let’s go back to the example of the leaving a workplace example for a moment. For some individuals, starting in a new and sought after job is a completely positive experience.

For others, even though they want their new job, they may experience a very real sense of loss for their old workplace. No longer having the familiarity of the work environment and colleagues may have a big impact on them.

The trouble is that this sort of loss is not one that is readily accepted or even recognised by society at large. And as such, may not be recognised by the individual either.

Why does this matter?

Grief and loss can affect you in ways you might not be aware of. I think most people will accept and even expect that grief and loss can affect them mentally, but did you know it can affect you physically too?

If you’re not aware that your experiences could be causing you a sense of loss, you won’t have the opportunity to address the sense of loss.

This in turn could have an impact on your health.

Physical expressions of grief you may not be aware of​

Grief can affect a person in many different ways. The following are just some of the medically recognised expressions – or symptoms – of grief:

• Headaches
• Muscular aches
• Period irregularities
• Chest pain
• Tightness in the throat
• Stomach cramps
• Fatigue
• Heart problems
• Sleep disturbances

You can see from this list how strong the mind-body connection is.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms and you feel they could be linked to a form of loss, there are some simple steps you can take that may help.

Please note that if you are experiencing any symptoms such as chest pain, heart pain or difficulty breathing you should speak to your GP or call 111 (or 999 in a serious situation) to ensure there is not an underlying problem that needs to be addressed.

Some simple ways to help you deal with a loss

1. Recognise and acknowledge the loss you are feeling.

Take a step back from your life and think about what has changed for you.

If you identify a loss then be sure to acknowledge it. It could be as ‘simple’ as the loss of your normal daily routine.

If you don’t want to talk about it then writing it down can be enough.

Be honest with yourself about how it makes you feel. No-one else needs to read this so there’s no need to justify how you feel.

2. Accept and validate your loss.

You might think to yourself that how you are feeling isn’t ‘real’ loss or that you don’t deserve to be grieving as other people are much worse off than you.

If you do that you will end up suppressing your emotions. That can lead to a much bigger problem in the days/ weeks/ months to come.

Accepting that you are experiencing this loss is an important part of the process.

Accepting your feelings as being valid is even more important.

It doesn’t matter if your loss seems small. Your feelings are your feelings.​

3. Start to reshape your life.

Once you have recognised, acknowledged and validated your feelings of loss you can start to move forward.

It might help to think about what you can retain, what you can leave behind and what new things you can start doing in your new situation.

​I always recommend taking some time to reflect on your life. Using a bullet-journal can be a helpful way of planning out and taking control of your life rather than just letting each day happen to you.

For many of us dealing with Covid-life related loss and change, taking these simple steps are enough to get you feeling more like yourself again.

​Perhaps you do not feel affected yourself but now realise that a friend or family member could be experiencing a form of disenfranchised grief.

Understanding their situation from this new perspective may be a big help to you both.

Do you need more help and support?

If you feel you need more than the simple self-help I suggest here, you can book in for a free Discovery Call. You can tell me what’s going on for you and we can discuss how we could work together to help you through your current situation. Everything we discuss is confidential.

Take care,

​Sarah

The post Could a sense of loss be affecting you at the moment? appeared first on Homeopathy With Sarah.

​This post was inspired by a newsletter that I sent out soon after Mother’s Day earlier this year. I talked about the fact that for many of us, it can be extremely difficult to cope with a specific day in the calendar if it reminds us of someone that is no longer with us.

It could be Mother or Father’s day, a birthday, anniversary, Christmas or anything else that acts as a trigger for you. I received  some lovely replies to that newsletter which i really enjoyed reading.

It made me think that it struck a chord with many of you, so I thought I would rework it as a blog post. I decided to focus on using gratitude to help get through a difficult time, which I hope you enjoy reading.

When my parents died it was a very sad and difficult time, but of course you can’t make the assumption that losing a parent, or anyone, is always a sad thing. There could be any number of reasons why it’s not.

What is certain, is that whatever the situation, there will always be emotions involved. I feel that using gratitudes can be helpful to cope with any emotions, but also a helpful way to approach life generally.

It’s not just about facing times of difficulty, so I hope everyone will be able to take something away from this post.

The science behind gratitude

Gratitude is actually big business now. Many large companies have increased staff morale, leadership qualities and productivity, amongst other things, by incorporating gratitudes into their work model. It doesn’t only benefit those in the workplace though.

Research has shown that being grateful has a positive impact on the central nervous system and can actually affect the molecular structure of the brain. The result is that we are happier, healthier, less stressed and we’re also likely to sleep better. What’s not to like?

If you’re interested in understanding a bit more, read this article by The Power of Ideas on the power of gratitude for more details.

My own story

My mum died 15 years ago. I was only 31 at the time and about 8 weeks pregnant with Ivan. Sophie was 2 and a half and got chicken pox on the day of my mum’s funeral.

I can laugh about that now, but at the time it nearly tipped me over the edge, and means that I will forever associate chicken pox with funerals!

I will always be grateful that I told my mum that I was pregnant just a couple of days before she was admitted to hospital and was still ‘with us’.

My dad died almost two years after my mum.

My parents had me late in life (I was an unexpected blessing according to my dad!), so they weren’t young when they died, but that doesn’t really make the grieving process any easier.

Using gratitude every day

Eleven years on, I’m happy to say that Mother’s Day is no longer a traumatic day for me.

I often think about my mum, but Mother’s Day is now a day when I am particularly grateful for having her be my mum and can enjoy happy memories of her.

For the last few years I’d been trying to use gratitude to help get me through difficult times like Mother’s Day without realising that they were a ‘thing’! Now I know a bit more about it, I have worked gratitude in to my daily life with more purpose.

I use my journal​ most days to keep myself organised. I also use it to write three things that I’m grateful for each day.

I now find that even on days when I haven’t used the journal, I am much more likely to take a step back from whatever I’m doing, long enough to think about what I am thankful for.

It has definitely put me in a more positive frame of mind, and more importantly I think, it’s helped me become a more thoughtful person.

What I’m grateful for

Of course this changes day to day. This morning when I went for a run through my local woods, I was grateful for the shade of the trees (it was about 28 degrees at 8:30am!), for my health so that I can run, for my running partner who gives me the incentive to keep up the running and for having somewhere as beautiful as Highwoods Country Park just a few minutes from where I live.

At times like Mother’s Day it may well get a bit more deep and meaningful. ​As I mentioned in my newsletter, I will sometimes find old photos to help me remember my mum and dad and be grateful for them. These are a couple of my favourites.

The first one is in 1969 I think. My parents both worked in what was then Rhodesia (my mum was a nurse out there and my dad helped to run a school for local children on a Methodist mission).

They met, married and my big brother and sister – the twins – were born out there. This is them all coming home to Britain for good on the ship SA Oranje.

I don’t know why, but I’ve always loved this picture, even though I wouldn’t be around for another 5 years!

On their way back to England, 1969

The next picture is in 2003, just after Sophie was born. This was the first time they met Sophie. She was their first grandchild so it was a very special time for them.

Mum, Dad and Sophie – proud grandparents, 2003

Some easy ways to incorporate gratitude into your life

It’s very simple to make gratitude a part of your everyday life. Here are a few pointers:

Each night before you go to sleep, spend a few minutes looking back over your day

Think about the things that went well or made you happy or anything in particular that you feel grateful for. Some days it will be deep and meaningful, other days it won’t! It doesn’t matter. It’s a really nice way to end the day and according to research, will help you sleep better too.

Get your pen out. Basically do number 1, but write your gratitudes down

Get yourself a note book to keep by your bed, and write down a few things you were grateful for during the day – 3 is a good number, but it can be more or less. Better still, do the same in the morning too. It will help you get off to a positive start. If you ever feel like you’re having a difficult time, it can be really helpful to read back over your note book.

Start a gratitude journal

It’s a bit like number 2, but you will probably spend a bit more time doing it. If you want to use gratitude as a way to get you through something particularly difficult, then you might find more benefit doing an in depth gratitude journal, as opposed to just a quick list.

Interested in finding out more?

If you are interested in finding out more about working with me, and how I can help you, book in a free Discovery Call now.

The post Gratitude: how it has helped me move forward appeared first on Homeopathy With Sarah.